This post is about the Seattle Seahawks so you know it’s got to have something to do with poop.
Here’s a scenario that is both a little bit funny and a lot aggravating that I’m sure every parent has experienced. You change your baby, applauding the big poop you find, and then put on a fresh new diaper. Within minutes, sometimes even as you are lifting your baby off the change table, he lets go another monster dump to fill up his sparkling clean fresh diaper. I’ve christened this sequence the “double doodie.”
The Seattle Seahawks dropped a huge double doodie on the NFL this season.
When I moved to Vancouver I realized to my horror that the Seahawks are the “local team” because Seattle is a lovely three- to 11-hour drive away, depending on border wait times. The Seahawks are one of the most boring franchises in the NFL despite experiencing some success in recent years. My real introduction to the team came in 2007, my first year playing fantasy football. I drafted Seattle's Shaun Alexander, one year removed from an 1,880-yard, 27-touchdown MVP season, with the fourth overall pick. He then perfected his patented play, running one or two yards before turning his back and squatting down on the field the moment a defender came into contact with him. He eventually lost his starting job to the immortal Maurice Morris and finished the season with 716 yards and five touchdowns, crapping all over my fantasy season and fouling me on the Seahawks for good.
Since then the Seahawks have continued to emanate stinkiness, their only redeeming quality being an amazing home crowd that lifts them to wins over teams they have no business beating.
This season was worse than ever. The Seahawks crapped up and down the field all year, filling their proverbial diaper with nuggets such as a 17-point loss to St. Louis, the Rams’ first win following a 10-game losing streak; a 30-point loss to Oakland and a 34-point home loss to the Giants. They bumbled to a 7-9 record but somehow won the putrid NFC West division, becoming what many people believed was the worst team to ever make the NFL playoffs.
But oh, those playoffs — a fresh diaper, a chance to wipe the bum clean and perhaps make it all the way to the big bowl. For the Seahawks, however, the playoffs were just another chance to make a mess of things.
To be fair, what Seattle did in the playoffs was not a true double doodie. They pulled off an upset in the opening round, riding their crowd and an unseasonably good performance from quarterback Matt Hasselbeck to a win, eliminating the banged-up New Orleans Saints and their beloved quarterback Drew Brees, a caring father, charity participant and bully-hater.
Seattle waited until game 2 to drop a bum rumbler on the playoffs, getting blown out by iffy No. 2-seed Chicago — a team that suffered some bad defeats of their own this year, including a home loss to the foul Seattle Seahawks. The Bears, 21st in the league during the regular season with a 20.9 point-per-game average, scored 21 points in the first 20 minutes against Seattle, eventually extending their lead to 28-0. And just to smear their playoff doodie in their fans’ faces, Seattle mounted a pointless comeback after the game was long out of reach, scoring 21 points in the final 12 minutes to make the final 35-24. That’s just mean.
At least when my baby does double doodie it puts a great big grin on his face.
Photo Todd Rosenberg/NFL.
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