My four-month-old baby isn’t allowed to watch TV until he is two. His Mama says it’ll give him ADD.
I don’t want him growing up selling weed or hosting Entertainment Tonight or anything horrible like that so obviously I’ve stopped watching sports when he is in the room.
Just kidding, I still watch sports all the time, a little something practically everyday. Sometimes a lot of something, like triple-header football Sundays.
My baby does everything in his power to see the screen. He’ll be sitting on my lap facing the complete opposite direction and if I look away for an instant he’ll spin his head around Linda Blair style to catch a few glimpses of the baby-brain scrambling awesomeness.
How do I solve this problem? Start growing dope in hopes that we can go into business together in a few years?
No. I plop him down right in front of the TV. Then I hang a blanket off his little play centre to block his view. Problem solved.
You see, science tells us the concern is with babies watching TV, not hearing TV. Our little guy hears a lot of TV. Apparently that's not as bad as watching a lot of TV.
So he’s learning English from Daddy, French from Mama, pick-and-roll defence from Charles Barkley and yelling from Gus Johnson. (“Time to fill this diaper, can he do it?! The clock is running out. Here comes Mom! She’s going for the change. Can he let it go?! OHHHHH!! Deuces are wild! You gotta love it! HA Haaaaaa!)
I think it’s fitting that one of the main introductions to language for my kid comes from sports. Sport for many people, myself included, is itself a language shared and understood in all kinds of social situations.
Now that my entire life consists of staying within 20 feet of my baby at all times to make sure that he does not die, sports is one of the main things that helps me feel connected to friends I don’t see any more and fun stuff I don’t do anymore.
Fantasy sports leagues give me a chance to connect with my friends, cheering for pretend teams and taunting each other for drafting quarterbacks who do things like this.
The Saskatchewan Roughriders unite my entire family, bringing us joy by winning three championships every 100 years in an eight-team league (it may be a form of child abuse but my baby will be a Rider fan too).
I’ve just started a six-month parental leave from my job as a sports reporter for the North Shore News and this blog is a way for me to keep people updated on the progresses of my baby, pass on parenting tips and make fun a Brett Favre and his recently-retired (hopefully) wang, all through the language of sport. Each post will compare something in the sports world to something in my baby’s world.
There will be a lot of joy and also a lot of poop. Hope you enjoy.
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